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Archive for July, 2010

How Melodramatic Blue Aliens Stole My Money

The film industry was never a stranger to the concept of 3D. The movie viewing experience within the “third dimension” has been promised yesteryears ago in hopes of banking the big bucks at the box office. After a time, 3D movies mainly operated within the realm of grindhouse flicks, mostly to satisfy the audiences that still enjoyed their gory excursions into the third dimension. 3D inevitably found itself in Hollywood’s rear-view mirror. So as of late, has Hollywood rekindled its love of fooling the consumer’s eye so they don’t look into their wallets?

Where did this influx of 3D movies deviate from? What is this nonsense of a justification as to why you are charged a couple more bucks for that movie ticket? Undeniably, there has been a handful of 3D movies in recent years that may have flown under most people’s radars. Forgetful movies to the likes of The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl 3D were released to the public in 2005, but ultimately failed. Even with visionary director Robert Rodriguez at the helm and a young Taylor Lautner casted in the lead (Yeah, THAT Taylor Lautner), the concept of a 3D film failed to capture the attention of the American public.

Of course, this was until James Cameron decided to buy a solid gold jet with the blood of blue aliens. Love it or loathe it, Avatar was hyped to colossal proportions as James Cameron reportedly committed close to $300 million to the film. With a resume like Terminator 2, True Lies, and Titanic (only to name a few), this was Cameron’s self-proclaimed masterpiece.

It was the epicenter of the 3D craze. Although the final cut was met with mixed reactions. Some audiences championed the movie solely for the bleeding edge 3D; others including myself, found the story to be be bone dry and predictable. Shooting a film in 3D doesn’t make the plot and characters any less two dimensional.

Avatar for all intents and purposes, was not a terrible film. It just did not bring anything new to the table in terms of narrative. It was merely a harbinger of terrible trends to come.

Studios in Hollywood have adopted a “me too” philosophy in order to cash in on the growing trend. Nearly all new releases will be in 3D and will be at the cost of Joe Schmoe consumer; you. We all know the feeling of walking out of a bad movie. You hang your head low. It’s like going to a sporting event and your beloved team lost. It’s borderline heart-breaking. You are on the cusp of pummeling someone to death for a refund.

Tickets prices are around $10, give or take. Add in a few of dollars for that service fee if you end up buying tickets online and/or hate interacting with people. Perhaps cough up a few more dollars since the movie is in 3D as well. Ultimately, you will end up with a ticket price close to about $15 or so. Get the KY ready if you decide to order tickets ONLINE for a 3D movie in IMAX. Those cheap made in China 3D glasses are very little consolation if the movie ended up being the contents of your toilet.

This is not necessarily an attack on 3D movies, but it is in defense of the movie going public. Sure there are large number of people out there that enjoy 3D movies simply because they enjoy viewing them in 3D. However, there are still folks that are content with a pure and simple cinema experience.

It remains to be seen (har har) if the 3D movie experience will be standard or just a passing phase. 3D should not be a reason to justify higher ticket prices if it does little to enrich the viewing experience. A crap movie is still a crap movie. You don’t need all three dimensions to see that it sucks, let alone pay extra for it.

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Categories: Rants Tags: , ,

I wouldn't mind kissing that man between the cheeks, so to speak

July 26, 2010 Leave a comment

I was checking out my facebook news feed and I saw a friend admitting his Man Crush of Don Draper from the show Mad Men and it got me thinking about my own man crushes. After some serious thought, I was able to narrow down the list of to my top two Bro-Bachelors. Honestly, I think about about my man crushes a lot.

(I apologize to Chase Utley, Thomas Lennon and Ewan McGregor. You guys are fantastic and I’m sure you will make some other lucky guy very happy with their man crush)

Mike Rowe versus Paul Rudd  

Man, this is such a tough decision. I think both guys would make great man crushes. Mike has this manly ruggedness about himself and his voice sounds like what I’d imagine a handshake would sound like. Paul seems like he would help you move, while at the same time, thinking of hundreds of ways to call you Gay. Both guys are hilarious with their sarcastic wit and I’m not afraid to say that both guys are pretty damn handsome.

Its like my own Sophie’s Choice.

The Legend of Pitcher Vance

July 25, 2010 Leave a comment

How awesome was that game yesterday? The only thing hotter than the Phils’ bats last night was the 102 degree field temp. Ubaldo Jimenez continues his plummet to earth with the second shortest outting of his career. Jimenez continues to be the Phillies’ bitch with a 0-3 record and a 10.35 ERA at the Bank. (for those who don’t know what an ERA is, 10.53 is terrible and that’s all you really need to know).

Vance Worley made his big league debut and looked impressive. So impressive that the Phillies demoted him to the IronPigs (probably while he still throwing warmup pitches) so J.A. Happ could come back to the team. Amaro continues to hold on to David Herndon and Danys Baez for some reason, but I can only hope that they give Vance another a chance (Yes, I realize that’s a lame rhyme but I don’t care).

Categories: Sports Banter Tags: , ,

I'm sure he is eating it like that for the nutritional value

July 24, 2010 Leave a comment

I think Yummy makes this picture so much Funnier/Gayer

There is not a single non-sexual way to eat a banana.

Categories: Random Thoughts Tags:

My Boy Roy!

July 24, 2010 Leave a comment

“I’m the man who has the ball. I’m the man who can throw it faster than f***. So that is why i am better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my d***… everyone.” – Kenny Powers

Roy Halladay doing what he does best

Roy did an amazing Kenny Powers impression with his win over the Rockies last night. I mean look at that picture! The air is literally EXPLODING here – that is how amazing of a pitcher Roy Halladay is. He would be like, 18 and 2 if the Phillies could manage more than 2 runs a game. I think the curse is beginning to lift and the Phillies are about to start their annual “Oh Shit, the season is almost over, we better kick some Braves and Mets’ Ass” late season surge.

Categories: Sports Banter Tags: ,

Mean Girls has a whole new meaning now

July 23, 2010 1 comment

We all know Lindsay Lohan is only going to serve like, two weeks probably but still, She’s in Lockdown and that’s pretty cool.

I prepared some jokes about her recent adventure in the penal system *AHEM*

I heard she’s making a sequel to “I Know Who Killed Me”, its being called ” I Know Which Bitch Shanked Me”

Georgia Rule is now the name of the large woman who will sell Lindsay for Cigarettes

Just My Luck, the prison is riotting and I’m a human shield

Fire Crotch is the color of her prison uniform

That’s all i got so far

You don't need those dumb glasses to see how awful this gonna be…

July 23, 2010 Leave a comment

This movie is going to suck in three dimensions.

Categories: WTF?