Posts Tagged ‘Nintendo’

Where in the World is [Enter Video Game Related Entity Here]?

Well now that Duke Nukem Forever is (finally) becoming more than the biggest mythological creature in the video game industry, I thought I’d figure out what the f*** happened to some of the other stuff that was promised to come or just disappeared off of the face of the Earth. We, as gamers, don’t always get everything that was promised to us (ie. the entire Too Human game), but sometimes it would be nice to get an explanation as to why some properties suddenly dissipate. There is a fine line between not wanting to spoil too much about your game (which I personally feel the video game community does too much), waiting for some big event (ie. E3), and just being a complete asshole tease. These are the games/ideas/properties that I feel have crossed the line.

If anyone has any games or entities they would like to find out about, just leave a comment and I’ll update the post with my findings.

The single biggest tease in all of video games


Officially Announced: April 13, 2010 | Release Date: TBA 2011 | Developer: 2K Marin

Aliens vs. the FBI in 1950's America? Count me in!

What is it?

Based off of the classic game X-COM: UFO Defense, a PC strategy game developed by Mythos Games in 1994, X-COM is a reimaging of that fabled property. Now a first person shooter (I know we have too many of those, but don’t fret, this one actually looks good), 2K Marin is bringing the game into the new generation. It tells the fight between man and alien as the FBI fights the spread of the unknown enemy. Remembering its roots, the game will feature intense story, complex strategy, and against-all-odds action to increase the suspense of this thriller shooter.

Where is it?

We first heard of this game in April of 2010 and were shown it hands on at E3 2010. After a promise from 2K Marin at E3 2010 that the game would be released in 2011, we haven’t heard much out of them since then. It is currently the middle of May in 2011 and 2K had yet to spill any beans on this coveted title. Once E3 2011 rolls around I’m sure the story will be different, but a little tidbit of information (like a more specific release date) now wouldn’t hurt.

What do we expect?

2K Marin will most likely spill their guts at E3 this year and will most likely get a holiday 2011 release, maybe a first quarter 2012 release if they’re falling behind.

BattleBlock Theater

Officially Announced: January 2009 | Release Date: TBA | Developer: The Behemoth

He's sad because the game isn't out yet

What is is?

The next game from the studio that brought you Alien Hominid HD and Castle Crashers, this is a side-scrolling, action-filled platformer. It features a heavy basis on 4-player multiplayer (a la Left 4 Dead). Expect the same cartoony violence you got with the blockbuster hit Castle Crashers

Where is it?

Unlike the other items on this list, this one has actually been seen recently. The last time we saw this game was at the Behemoth stand at PAX in March of this year. It was a playable game alongside Castle Crashers. So, as far as it looks, this game is nearly complete and ready to be distributed.

What do we expect?

Well, if we don’t here anything out of E3, expect a release at some point later this year. If all is said and done, nothing will be holding The Behemoth back from making their hard earned money. The best bet though? We will get a concrete date at E3, and it wont be too long of a wait either.

Respawn Entertainment Project

Officially Announced: 2010 | Release Date: TBA | Developer: Respawn Entertainment

Zampella and West: The founders of Respawn

What is is?

After the big fight/lawsuit between Vince Zampella, Jason West and Activision, those two decided to run off and form their own development company under publisher (take a good guess) EA. And with this comes the tumblings of their first big project. After originally stating that they were working on a blockbuster hit to compete with the monster they helped create, Call of Duty, not much has been coming out of Respawn.

Where is it?

No one really knows. Zampella and West started an entire new development studio AND are staring a new game in a new franchise under a new publisher from scratch. It is bound to take some time for them to hire enough people to staff the studio, come up with an idea, and then make enough of said idea to get a solid amount of info to share with the public.

What do we expect?

Don’t expect anything for a little while yet. Even if they do throw us a bone at E3 this year, don’t expect a game until at least mid to late 2o12. But don’t give up hope! Whatever they come up with is bound to be great and, in my opinion, the longer it takes for a game to come out, the longer the development team is taking to make sure their game is perfect.

Vitality Sensor

Officially Announced: June 2009 | Release Date: TBA | Developer: Nintendo

I just...I don't even know what Satoru Iwata was thinking...

What is is?

Also known as the biggest joke from Nintendo yet, the Vitality Sensor was supposed to be the next great thing for Nintendo and their healthy gaming craze. It was meant for people to track their pulse and other bodily numbers to use in sync with other health games, like Wii Fit. It was designed to help people relieve and manage their stress as well. The only other practical use for such a device is to monitor peoples stress levels while playing a horror survival game such as Resident Evil (but what could you honestly do with that data?)

Where is it?

Quite frankly, who cares? Is anyone honestly sitting around saying “Man, I really wish Nintendo would release that Vitality Sensor already.” Only the hardcore crowd really knows about it now, and we could care less about it. All the health freak moms are the ones who care, and unless they watch E3 press conferences each year, I’m pretty sure they’ve never heard of it. All the sub par feedback isn’t stopping Iwata though. He says the peripheral is still on track for a release…sometime.

What do we expect?

Don’t get your hopes up. It was announced at E3 2009 and hasn’t been heard from since. After being the laughing stock of the gaming community for a month or so after it was announced, it dropped off of the face of the Earth. And now that we know “Project Cafe”, Nintendo’s next home console, will be shown at this years E3, I’m pretty sure that little announcement will overshadow anything relative to the Vitality Sensor.

Half Life 2: Episode 3

Officially Announced: 2006 | Release Date: TBA | Developer: Valve

Valve Logo

The masterminds behind TF2, Portal, Left 4 Dead, and Half Life.

What is is?

Hinted to all the way back in 2006, Half Life 2: Episode 3 is (obviously) the successor to Episode 2. It continues the story of theoretical physicist Gordon Freeman

Where is it?

This game here is arguably the most anticipated game for PC gamers. It has been far too long since Episode 2 to take. And the sad thing is is that Valve has not said much about it at all. They said it was coming, but we don’t know much other than that. They have been pouring out game after game, update after update, but nothing on this game. Valve did, however, promise in September of 2010 that there would be three big announcements over the coming year. What could they be?

What do we expect?

This one is a mystery to all. The best we can do is hope for something at E3 or just wait for more of those “big announcements” Valve promised to come.

Well, that’s the list. Overall, the main thing we can do is wait. If you didn’t get the hint by now, E3 is the thing to look for. It’s coming fast and is bound to show us at least one of the games on this list. Keep your fingers crossed.


The Mysterious “Project Cafe”

Soon after the launch of Nintendo’s next and best gadget known as the 3DS, you’d think that the spotlight would start to fade away from their domain and start to come back to Microsoft and Sony a little.

Well, you’re wrong. Nintendo has brought the spotlight right back to them with “Project Cafe”

What is this mysterious project? It’s only just the codename for their next big home console.

“The Wii 2!?” you may ask. Yes, the Wii 2. Nintendo is ready to (hopefully) join the big boys in the true HD generation. Now, not much is known about this new console since Nintendo’s going to keep the details locked up until E3, however, there is one little tidbit of info. The controller for “Project Cafe” will mirror the Gamecube controller in terms of function, not form, it will have dual analog sticks, and the shocker: the controller will feature a 6 inch touch screen in the middle of it that you can use either as part of the game or to stream entire games to the controller.

I’m already hating this thing.

A bunch of people just threw down $250 for this bad boy and now you want us to buy another screen for our controllers? How many screens do we need?

Why on earth do I need a 6 inch screen in the center of my controller. If I want to play games on a small as screen, I’ll buy a DS/3DS, not a whole new home console. Adding this screen will make the controller so much heavier than it needs to be, and we all know that our hands get tired of holding a DS or PSP or whatever after a while. It’s going to be heavy. And this announcement is coming right after the release of the 3DS. Way to screw everyone over Nintendo. Release an expensive new handheld and then tell us the your new home console is going to feature a controller that can play full games on it. Granted, the 3DS and this controller thing have a lot of differences, but what other purpose would Nintendo have to put a screen into your controller and let you download games to it if they didn’t want you to use it as a handheld.

IGNs idea of what the "Project Cafes" controller will look like.

Now, according to IGN, the controller can stream games, not download them. So basically what your saying is that if we wanted to play games on just the controller, we couldn’t leave the range of the console? Now that is just dumb. Why would I want to stream games to my controller and play on a small screen on my couch when I can just play them on the big freaking TV that the console is connected to. If I want to play games on a small screen on my couch next to a big TV, I’ll just grab my DS and turn off the TV so I can at least conserve some energy while being stupid.

Another thing is that if it ends up being that you can download the games to your controller (and therefore leave the vacinity of your console), your controller is going to need a shit load of memory. And you know what that means? EXPENSIVE. If we think controllers are expensive now, just wait until they throw a 6 inch screen and memory into your controller. I could see the controllers running at $80+ per pair.

In general, I think this is the stupidest idea yet. My personal opinion would be that they just make a normal console and then somehow let you sync your DS/3DS to the console and let you use that as a controller….if you absolutely NEED a screen in your controller.

I think I can live without that. I guess we’ll just have to wait until E3 to see this new “Project Cafe”.

Is Nintendo Truly Prepared to Release the 3DS?

January 26, 2011 Leave a comment

Nintendo has recently announced that the 3DS will be hitting North America on March 27th. The release date came coupled with it’s launch price. $250. Just like that, Nintendo fanboys wet themselves in unison and know exactly how much to spend, on what, and when.

You've gotta admit... it's kinda sexy. But is it $250 sexy?

The Japanese game-maker is boasting the portable system’s console-level capabilities and it’s obvious three-dimensional features. The big N has also placed a heavy emphasis the 3D experience being glass-less. It looks to be a solid piece of tech, but is it enough of an incentive for early adopters? It’s a first day purchase for hardcore Nintendo loyalists, but will it sway Joe Schmo consumer to lay down 250 clams?

While the games themselves range from $39.99 – $49.99 (ouch), the 3DS does have a solid launch lineup to back it up. Capcom comes out swinging with Super Street Fighter 4 and EA Games is showing some love with a 3D Madden title as well as the Sims 3. This is only to name a few, but are these titles enough for consumers to dig deep into their pockets? Especially when the DS, DS Lite, DSi, and the DSi XL (-_-‘) are already on store shelves with PLENTY of games?

Zombies!!! In 3D!!! I feel so conflicted 😦

This isn’t the first time Nintendo has had two portable devices on the market at the same time. When the original DS was released in 2004 (wow has it been that long already?) the Game Boy Advance was still in it’s prime and selling quite well.

The nicest evil man you'll ever meet...

Will lightning strike twice for Nintendo? Or will it be dead on arrival? The gaming world will have it’s stereoscopic eyes set on the 3DS when it releases on March 27th. The 3DS Lite will be coming out the day after… har… c’mon laugh… you know it’s funny…

Grandpa Gamer: The Game Boy

January 5, 2011 Leave a comment

This WAS my god... it might still be. Who are you to judge?

I remember when I was a young little lad, sitting in the back of the bus on the way to school. Normally, I would find a strange comfort in resting my head against the window as the bus jolted back and forth. On any other day I would be doing my homework at the last minute or simply napping until we arrived at school. But not today. Today, I’m going to kill him. Today I’m going to finally beat that princess stealing, people eating demon bastard of a final boss! All before hanging my coat in homeroom. Clutch.

Back then (aka the 90’s), there was no such thing as 3G or bullshit 4G networks. There were no lame ass touch screens or downloading of any apps. Facebook, twitter, and texting was a science fiction dream. A mobile phone was still JUST a phone and a portable gaming device was well… a portable gaming device. I’m talking about Game Boy. THE Game Boy. The very thought of gaming on the go was as great as it sounded; especially when you were five.

No internet. No wifi. No problem.

Many prayers (including mine) were answered when Nintendo released the Game Boy. Having the home gaming experience in your hands was absolutely mind-blowing at the time. I still remember thinking to myself, “I can’t believe I’m playing Tetris right here! Whenever I want to!” I just about pooped in my sandbox. Fuck recess! I’m going to sit under a tree with my sippy cup and throw some Hadokens! Awwwwwwwww is it raining out? Fuck your indoor recess and fuck playing checkers! I’m going back to Hyrule. Of course the technology is not without it’s limitations. BUT WHO CARES?! It was early 90’s technology at it’s best! It was completely monochromatic but I was still able to suspend my disbelief and found myself immersed in a completely different world.

2 bits and 4 shades of "Green" powered this badass scene from my childhood.

When everyone was playing tag, I was killing an army of soldiers in Ninja Gaiden Shadow. When everyone was playing with their Hot Wheels and Barbie dolls, I was bombing touchdowns in Tecmo Bowl. I was a strange child. I carried this hulking mass of white plastic and circuitry with me at all times. I had pockets full of Jolly Ranchers and AA batteries, I was ready to rock and roll. Who can forget the sweet chime of the scrolling Nintendo logo when you first turn it on? Slapping in the cartridge was only half the fun.

Thankfully, Nintendo threw a lot of support at the Game Boy. They packed in Tetris with every single system. Of all games! BAM! Here’s Tetris, you can now crack out to falling Russian pieces wherever! It wasn’t “just for the kids”, I’ve had to pry it away from my own mother who couldn’t put down Dr. Mario.

How can a 5 year old in the early 90's resist this box art? You just can't. Damn you Nintendo... damn you...

There wasn’t a game that you couldn’t find on the Game Boy. Nintendo even developed games stemming from their own core franchises for it. Mario made many wonderful appearances. Samus made her entry into the portable world in the form of a full-blown sequel to the original Metroid on the NES. Donkey Kong & Zelda showed some love too. And… Pokemon… who could forget Pokemon?! It was the single title that made every kid beg for a Game Boy if they didn’t already have one.

C'mon... you played it and loved it. Don't lie.

Truthfully, today I own a PSP. It is a wonderful piece of hardware with a good amount of graphical horsepower behind it. I can browse the web and check my Facebook. I can even purchase and download games, music, and movies. But the portable platform has changed substantially in terms of media functionality since the glory years of the original Game Boy. Also, games now have narrative and pacing. All the Game Boy had was a d-pad, start, select, along with buttons A and B. However, that was all it needed. The Game Boy was and still is a masterful design in simplicity.

And you know what? It was all I needed.

Kirby’s Epic Chain is Straight Cash, Homey

August 10, 2010 Leave a comment

I know nothing about Chris Brown (besides the whole hitting Rihanna thing) but that is some sweet bling (do people still say bling?). I wouldn’t be caught dead in public wearing it but it is pretty to look at.